Finding Mysef Single-ish

In November my world got rocked, hard, and not in a good way. My husband of 12 years came home and announced that he doesn't love me and doesn't think he has ever really loved me and that he wants out. Oh he said all the nicer things like "I'm not trying to hurt you, babe", "I want to stay friends, you are my best friend" blah blah blah. My heart broke. We haven't really had the greatest marriage. To be honest, we have had many ups and downs. Being married to him has always been a roller coaster but the last few years I really thought things had gotten better. We went to marriage counselling with our pastor, even. My husband never said a word in marriage counseling about these problems. Not.one.word. I was angry and hurt. I still am. I wont even go into how its affecting the kids right now.

So, suddenly, after 12 years of being a homemaker, stay-at-home mom, and homeschooling mom of kids with health issues, I am suddenly finding myself in a position of finding a job and then finding a place for us to live. Unfortunately we live in hillbilly hell and finding a decent, affordable, bigger-than-2bdrm-w/washer & dryer hook-up is next to impossible. I could possibly find a trailer in the trailer park but that would not be ideal since I am not willing to part with my daughter's piano. I am praying that God will open the doors we need opened.

(Before you go off and tell me how God hates divorce, yes, I already know that. I am not giving up on my marriage but I also cannot stay where I am not wanted. Its a catch 22 for me but God knows my heart and I am doing what I have no choice but to do.)

I have to find a job that doesn't require me to change our basic day-to-day living. I am thinking that a peak hour early morning shift at Mcdonalds will be my first attempt. I need something where I can work from like 4am to no later than 9am each day. I know you are wondering why those hours, right? Its because I can't afford a babysitter, have no family to help me, I don't want to change our normal schedule anymore than I have to, and until we get my daughter's petite mal seizures under control I am not comfortable leaving the kids alone while they are awake. Since our normal schedule consists of a late bedtime and a late rising time, working from 4-9 would be ideal for me. The kids would all be asleep while I am gone. It will be minimum wage and only part time but its a start. And between that and the child support I will receive for the kids, we should be able to make it.

I try to find comfort in the fact that God cares for me and answers prayers. He can heal my marriage if my husband allows Him to, He will open whatever doors need opened for the kids and I, as we need them opened. I'm sure we will all be a little lost for a while as we try to find and get used to a new normal.

No fun

Update: Praising God that it was only a bad sprain and there were no breaks! So, sometime in the night my little guy woke up thirsty. He was coming down the stairs (they are narrow and steep as we currently live in an old farm house) and somehow he managed a tumble down the stairs. Since he could move his arm I did not think it broken so I iced it and gave him ibuprofen and tucked him in to bed. Well, this morning when he woke up the first think he said was "my arm hurts". I gave him another ibuprofen and called the doctor's office. They could see him at 3pm today. I accepted the appointment but he seemed to be in more pain so I decided to just bring him to the ER. He has had X-rays and we are awaiting the physician to let us know if its broken or not. Poor little guy :(

Welcome to Bull Frogs and Jelly Beans. A little about our family. I am a soon-to-be single mother of 5 kids, two who are grown and out of the home. My oldest is in the Navy (or will be in April--he joined but hasn't left yet), my second oldest is currently living the free life of single young men, I have a lovely daughter who is 14, a son who is 12, and another son that is 10 years old. In our little family we have 1 with Celiac's and Epilepsy, 1 with diabetes, and 1 with a metabolic disorder. Things are kinda crazy and hectic sometimes with all this going on but we make it work LOL. We are a homeschooling family (yeah, I'll find a way to make it work when we are on our own, too), we eat (mostly) healthy traditional whole foods. I like to sew and craft for fun and relaxation and sometimes for extra money. You'll find recipes, sewing/crafting, homeschooling, and life in general on my little corner of the internet. Enjoy!